200 things i can't do at hogwarts
by cath luvs cats
Summary: the title explains it all
1. Numbers 1 to 10

100 things i can't do at hogwarts

items 1-10

1. tell voldemort his toenails need to be clipped

2. ask Cho if her parents sneezed when they named her

3. ask the Hufflepuffs if they're going to huff and puff and blow my house down.

4. tell the first years that they have to break into the slytherin prefects' bathroom to be accepted here

5. tell Harry potter that theres a Muggle book with a character also *surprise, surprise* with the same name

6. say "fi fi fo fum" when i see Hagrid

7. paint the house-elves blue and call them smurfs

8. tell first years that "death eaters" are a cooking club

9. wear a badge with my own picture with snape's head taped oer my head

10. sing "santa claus is comin' to town" when Dumbledore comes in


	2. Numbers 11 to 20

11. Put pink bows in Dumbledore's beard

12. Push Snape into the lake

13. Give Voldemort a nose job

14. Ask Siruis his name and then say "are you serious?"

15. Clean Moaning Myrtle's toilet

16. Read "charlotte's web" to Aragog

17. Hug Snape and say you've been waiting for him

18. Play Bumper Broomsticks during Quidditch practice

19. Stalk Voldemort with a paintball gun

20. Hold a staring contest with Mad eye moody


	3. Numbers 21 to 30

21. Put a picture of the full moon on the wall and howl at the picture whenever Professer Lupin is somewhere where he can see you.

22. Ask Voldemort out to the Halloween dance

23. When Harry's playing Quidditch, run out onto the field dressed as a dementor.

24. Put one of the Weasely twins' Portable Swamps in Umbridge's drawer so that it pops out in her face when she opens the drawer.

25. Tape a sign to Firenze's back that says "Free Pony rides"

26. Call Cornelius Fudge "the chocolate man,"

27. Tell Death Eaters that Muggle Cameras can capture their souls.

28. Bewitch Mad eye Moody's magic eye to fly and use it as the Snitch

29. Play Spin the bottle with dementors.

30. Point to the Quidditch players and scream "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a ...kid on a broomstick?"


	4. Numbers 31 to 40

31. Hypnotize Malfoy and shove him headfirst into Myrtle's toilet.

32. Stick your finger into Voldemort's eye.

33. Glue knee pads to Sirius's feet. (remember how Peter Pettigrew, Harry's dad and Lupin called him Padfoot?)

34. Call Voldemort "Moldy Voldy,"

35. Call Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle "Team Rocket" and then convince Malfoy to grow his hair long and turn it into a violet twist like Jesse's.

36. glue a worm to Peter Pettigrew's butt (remember how they called him Wormtail?)

37. Have a wild party and use Professer Trewlawney's tarot deck as the confetti.

38. Say "Accio Voldemort" in the middle of dinner.

39. Use the grease in Snape's hair for gourmet cooking.

40. Call the Ghostbusters on Nearly Headless Nick.


	5. Numbers 41 to 50

41. Ask Crabbe or Goyle is their stomachs are waterbeds in disguise.

42. Become a wizard cryptozoologist and study the Giant Squid.

43. Put the silencing charm on the Sorting Hat before it's about to sing its song.

44. Convince the first years that the Whomping Willow is actually a fancy roller coaster.

45. Give Professor Lupin a flea collar.

46. Scratch your butt with your wand.

47. Play Paintball with Peeves.

48. Show Hagrid some Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

49. Prophesize Professor Trewlawney's death.

50. Eat Umbridge's hair bow


	6. Numbers 51 to 60

51. Have a fight by squeezing the bubotubers at people and squirting pus at them.

52. Put raisins up Snape's nose.

53. Bring a niffler into the trophy room. Then cheer as it snatches up all the shiny trophies.

54. Dress up as Sirius Black and sneak up on the fat lady while holding a butcher knife.

55. Tie Snape up and out an Invisibility cloak over his head so it looks as thouh i chopped it off

56. Laugh maniacally whenever Malfoy walks by.

57. Glue Moody's magic eye onto the eye of one of the portraits. Once you have done that, the eyes of the portrait will watch the students that walk pass and cause some nervous breakdowns.

58. Put underwear on Voldemort's head.

59. Recite Voldemort a tom *riddle* .

60. Take Dumbledore on a field trip to the hair parlor.


	7. Numbers 61 to 70

**Author's note: **

** K Finance, ****sasha2010, Mogseltof, JJJelly, Flying Penguinz, Dream of Many Dreams, nyxera, MK2starz:**

**Thanks y'all for reviewing! :) **

** K Finance: Number nine meant that someone takes a photo of themselves and glues a picture of Snape's head over their own, which would be pretty nasty. This is also to anyone else who didn't get number nine. :)**

**Dream of Many Dreams: imagine Malfoy summoning voldemort at dinner and voldemort flies in through the door and voldemort's head bonks malfoy's head...LOL:)**

**MK2starz: nah, I don't like voldemort. I just kinda think he's fun to joke about, especially with that shiny bald head and weird snake nostrils...LOL :)**

* * *

61. Put Muggle fairy tale books in the nonfiction section of the Hogwarts library.

62. Bewitch a book to burn your eyes out when you open it.

63. Wear the Hufflepuff cup on your head.

64. pour pumpkin juice in the prefect's bathroom bathtub.

65. Bewitch the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office to have the head of Snape.

66. Draw a lightning scar on your forehead and walk into the Gryffindor common room, trying to pass yourself off as Harry potter.

67. Use a permanent sticking charm tostick toilet paper over Snape's mouth.

68. Meow at Professer McGonagall and call her "cat-lady" on account of her being an Animagus

69. Start a fifth house and make yourself the creator, bcause *siriusly*, that is lame.

70. Sing "Phantom of the opera" at the Death Eaters.


	8. Numbers 71 to 80

71. Replace Fluffy the dog with a sheep.

Voldemort to get a life because it is simply not funny.

73. Give Snape a bottle of Grease-b-gone.

74. Draw the Dark Mark on someone with Umbridge''s quill.

75. Put a lock on Gilderoy Lockhart's heart.

76. Give Umbridge laxatives.

77. Stalk Voldemort with an ax

78. Call Mrs. Norris the cat in the hat.

79. Throw things at Professer Binns just for the fun of watching them fly through him.

80. Tell the characters that they look like certain muggle actors.


	9. Numbers 81 to 90

**In case you were wondering about number 72, sorry aboout that because i accidently forgot to put the number. **

* * *

81. Throw Professer Trewlawney's crystal balls at her for the fun of it.

82. Spread rumors saying Snape's greasy hair is highly flammable and the watch students try to set it on fire.

83. Convince everyone Voldemort is of Belgian royalty and bang cymbals whenever his name is said.

84. Knock on the Weasleys' door and proceed to maintain the following conversation.

You: knock knock.

Weasleys: Who's there?

You: You know...

Weasleys: You know who?

You: That's right! Avada kadauvra!

85. Buy Professor Binns a coffin for Christmas because it is simply not funny.

86. Glue wings to 's car.

87. Convince Malfoy he's better off as a ferret.

88. Eat Luna Lovegood's radish earrings.

89. Replace the "c" in "filch" with a "t" and ask him if he wants it with mustard on top.

90. Turn Malfoy's legs into a pogo stick


	10. Numbers 91 to 100

Snape to the tip of the Astronomy tower by his nose.

92. Blow up Myrtle's toilet.

93. When you are with Myrtle, point at a blank wall and scream "BASILISK!"

94. Ask Voldemort if he would like to get a bright purple mowhawk.

95. Call Proffessor Lupin "Jacob Black."

96. Purposely stomp on Percy Weasley's glasses and then cry, saying his glasses hurt you.

97. Braid Dumbledore's beard.

98. Throw Lemon Drops in Dumbledoe's face.

99. Compliment McGonagall on her "realistic Halloween costume."

100. Organize a break-in in Snape's office.

* * *

You know, I still have a bunch of ideas for things not to do at Hogwarts. I think I will have to expand this list to "200 things"


	11. Numbers 100 to 110

101. Play Exploding "Snape" in Potions class.

102. Lock Snape in his own office and see how long he goes before becoming so hungry he drinks his own potions.

103. Whenever a proffessor demonstrates a spell, marvel over it and say "Oo, magic!"

104. Call the first years "firsties,"

105. Put laxatives in Snape's pumpkin juice.

106. Tell the characters that a Muggle named JK Rowling knows the secret Wizarding world and is intent of revealing them to the world.

107. Call Harry Potter "hairy potty" (got that from Captain Underpants )

108. tell the first years that you're a leech aimagus.

109. Rip up Madam Pince's books.

110. Propose to Dumbledore at the Welcoming feast.


	12. Numbers 111 to 120

111. Tell Professor Trewlawney that I prophesized her death.

112. Insult Albus Dumbledore in front of Hagrid (**Thanks, Mrs. RonWeasley for the idea!)**

113. Chuck a Remembrall in Malfoy's face. (You know, that glass ball thing Neville has that helps you remember stuff?)

114. Switch around the portraits that you tell the password to (Example - put the Fat Lady's portrait by the Slytherin house entrance)

115. Ask Voldemort why his name has "emo" in it.

116. Insist that mops and rakes are safer to fly on than brooms. (lol, imagine Malfoy trying to ride a rake)

117. Then Catch the Giant Squid and eat it for dinner.

118. When you see a Death Eater, exclaim "Cool mask! Where do you get those?"

119. Tell the Voldemort that Muggle cameras steal a piece of your soul.

120. Put a blast-ended skrewt in a Death Eater's robes and watch him zoo into the air.

**Hope I didn't repeat any by accident!**

** - cath_luvs_cats :-)**


End file.
